Snow White and the Foxyote Dwarf

Snow White and the Foxyote Dwarf

By CalexTheNeko

 

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away. There was a beautiful queen who was renowned throughout the land for compassion. Her citizens loved her, but no one more than her husband the king. The two were happy together and eventually had a daughter, a child with skin like snow and ebony black hair. They named their newborn child Snow White.

 

“Um excuse me.”

 

But one day the queen fell ill. The best doctors throughout the entire land were called in to help her, but nothing could be done. The queen passed in a cold winter night leaving the king and her daughter alone.

 

“Hey! Pay attention to me!”

 

Eventually the king would remarry and give little Snow White a stepmother. The new queen was said to be even more beautiful than the last, and there wasn’t a fairer maiden throughout the land.

 

“So you’re just going to keep going like this?”

 

But the new queen’s heart was cruel and cold. She loved not the king, only his power. And when the king passed away leaving her in charge not a tear was shed. Now that she ran the kingdom her only concern was her own vanity.

 

“Do I have to bite you to get you to answer me?”

 

The Queen had a magic mirror she spoke to everyday. And-

 

“OH WOW! I AM VERY LOUD AND ANNOYING!”

 

And she-

 

“IT MUST BE REALLY HARD TO FOCUS OR DO ANYTHING WITH ME SHOUTING LIKE THIS!”

 

And she-

 

“BUT SINCE NO ONE HAS ENGAGED ME I GUESS EVERYTHING IS FINE! SO THERE IS NO REASON FOR ME TO STOP SCREAMING. FOREVER.”

 

Alright, alright, you’ve made your point.

 

“Thank you!” The speaker was a small creature of only three feet tall. He was covered in rusty and white fur and appeared to be a creature halfway between a fox and a coyote, a foxyote. He went by Kickaha, and he was currently standing in the middle of a small woodland cottage. The cottage was perfectly sized for someone of his height, though perhaps a bit too spacious. After all in the bedroom there were seven beds, and in the kitchen seven chairs around a table. The living room had seven rocking chairs and yet there was only one bathroom.

 

I’m sort of in the middle of setting things up, what’s wrong?

 

“Oh well it’s not much…” Kickaha shrugged. “I just noticed that I woke up in a house that clearly isn’t mine and suddenly start hearing a soft spoken voice in my head. What’s up with all that?”

 

I was under the impression you had been through one of these before. I suppose I had mistaken you for a professional. You’re in a Fairy Tale now.

 

“Ohhhh, the voice has claws.” Kickaha shrugged. “But that still doesn’t explain much.”

 

Okay, I’ll make this brief. We’re telling the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Everyone knows it, should be easy to complete. We’re going to do the entire story, and once it’s done you can go home.

 

“But why am I here in the first place?” Kickaha demanded.

 

Well… There was an incident about six months back in which you interrupted a traditional Christmas story.

 

“Uh oh…” Kickaha’s ears flattened as he remembered the incident.

 

Because of your… Disruptions you currently owe the Guild of Narrators a small debt.

 

“Wait, so there’s just like a club of disembodied voices?” Kickaha tilted his head. “And you just sit around and retell old stories?”

 

Exactly. We tell the stories in their traditional format, or at least try to. But you see the dwarves are on vacation this week so we needed a fill in. Since you’re about the right height for a dwarf we decided this would be an easy way for you to make up for your damages. It won’t take long, so just play your part and we’ll be done before lunch.

 

“Fiiiiine. Fiiiine. Tell the story.” Kickaha waved his paw dismissively.

 

Alright then… Now where was I? Right… The queen had a magic mirror! Every day she would look into the mirror and ask the same question.

 

“Mirror mirror on the wall.” The queen asked from within her royal chamber in the castle “Who is the fairest one of them all?”

 

“Well!” Kickaha’s face appeared in the mirror. “It’s probably not you. You’ve got the whole evil vibe going on! And I know some people think evil is sexy, but that’s really not the same thing as fair. That implies a more Earthly beauty than just raw sex appeal. Not that power isn’t attractive mind you, but if you’re going for pure superficial looks you’re not even in the top ten.”

 

Wait what just happened?

 

“What is the meaning of this impudence!” The Queen roared. “Magic Mirror answer my question correctly.”

 

“Well you see…” Kickaha’s head bounced around inside the mirror. “That’s really kind of hard. Beauty really is subjective, and like you gotta consider different species and types. It does raise the question of-”

 

What are you doing?

 

“Oh. Well, you know, it just occurred to me the story is a little dry.” Kickaha explained.

 

“Who are you talking to?” The queen looked around in confusion. It was apparent she could not hear the narrator.

 

“I mean, doesn’t the story just feel… Kind of stale?” Kickaha asked. “Snow White just isn’t a very interesting protagonist. She sits there, she looks pretty, she cleans for a bit, eats an apple, takes a nap then gets kissed and lives happily ever after and the queen dies.”

 

“Are you threatening me?” The queen demanded. “I will have you broken and your pieces scattered across the land!”

 

That’s how the story goes! Why are you disrupting it!? How did you even get inside the mirror!?

 

“Magic probably.” Kickaha ignored the queen. “But the point is, Snow White is boring. She doesn’t have a character arc. She never learns a lesson, grows as a person or does anything interesting. Things just happen around her and then she gets a happy ending.”

 

So what, you think she should suffer?

 

“No! No!” Kickaha shook his head. “I don’t want anything bad to happen to Snow White! I just think we’re focussing on the wrong character. We should be looking at the queen! Think about it! Sure she’s vain and petty! But Snow White’s father saw something good in her, so there must be something there! She clearly has a lot more room to grow as a character! Wouldn’t it be more fun to teach her a lesson?”

 

“Mirror, what madness do you speak?” The queen demanded. “And what lesson do you dare try to teach me?”

 

She’s the villain! You’re not supposed to be teaching her anything! She doesn’t have any redeeming qualities.

 

“So then is Snow White’s dad evil?” Kickaha asked.

 

Well no…

 

“Was he incompetent or dumb?”

 

No…

 

“So we’re supposed to believe that a wise and good king fell in love with a complete monster with no redeeming qualities whatsoever?” The foxyote’s face stretched into a grin. “Doesn’t sound like the actions of a good and wise man.”

 

Okay! Fine! Maybe she had some good qualities! But she’s still evil now! Think about what she does.

 

“I know, I know.” Kickaha’s head tilted to either side of the mirror. “She gets upset that Snow White is prettier than her and tries to have her killed.”

 

“Snow White is the fairest in the land!?” The queen’s eyes grew wide. “That cannot be! There are none that could possibly surpass me!”

 

“Maybe she doesn’t deserve to win, but she still has a far more interesting story to tell! Will the evil queen realize the ugliness of her own heart and seek redemption? Or will she let her vices lead her to her own destruction?” Kickaha paused and looked around the room realizing that the queen had vanished. “Hey where’d she go.”

 

To continue the story. Somehow we managed to bumble our way back on track.

 

“Well that’s no fun.” Kickaha sighed as his face winked out of existence in the mirror.

 

The queen was furious with the idea that her own beauty was fading… And to think that she might be overtaken by none other than the old queen’s daughter!? She would not stand for it! And so she devised a plan. She arranged a meeting with a local huntsman. The huntsman was infatuated with the queen and had often said he would do anything for her. But even he was prepared for the dark task the queen demanded.

 

“Take the princess Snow White out into the forest.” The queen demanded. “And once you are alone with her, kill her. Then cut out her heart and return it to me as proof of your deed!”

 

“My queen!” The huntsman pleaded. “You know I would do anything for you! But this is too much! She is just a girl.”

 

“A girl who will become a threat to me in due time.” The queen replied. “If I suffer Snow White to live I will lose far more than you know. Or… Perhaps I already have? Has your love for the princess already outgrown your love for me?”

 

With a heavy heart the huntsman bent to the queen’s wishes. He sought out Snow White and offered to take her into the forest one day. He had enticed her to come with promises of seeing the different forest animals… And he had eased her fears by reminding her he would be by her to keep her safe every step of the way. Snow White never suspected the treachery that awaited her. Not until the huntsman pulled out his knife and took a step towards her and-

 

“What… What’s going on?” Snow White demanded as she backed away from the white furred stag wearing the remains of the huntsman’s clothing.

 

Wait… Why is the huntsman a stag!?

 

“Well I assume it’s because he really enjoys hanging out with the guys.” Kickaha was laying back stretched out in a tree branch above Snow White.

 

You know what I mean! He’s… He’s not even a talking animal who walks on two legs like you! What happened?

 

“Well… I feel like the Huntsman is kind of not great.” Kickaha explained. “I mean he attempts to kill Snow White…”

 

“He was going to kill me?” Snow White put a hand over her mouth.

 

“Yup!” Kickaha nodded. “He dropped his weapon though since he has hooves now. You can see the knife there in the grass.” Kickaha pointed down to it.

 

“But… Why would he do that?” Snow White demanded.

 

And again why is he a stag!?

 

“Well, you see the Huntsman has a bit of a reputation among the animals in the woods. After all he is a huntsman.” Kickaha nodded. “So when they heard he was planning to kill Snow White, they weren’t willing to sit by and just let it happen.”

 

But he wasn’t going to actually kill her! He decides not to at the last minute!

 

“So someone predetermines the murder of a young girl but changes his mind at the last minute and that makes him a hero?” Kickaha tilted his head. “Seems a strange moral lesson. And then he’d go cut out the heart of an animal in the forest instead. Not exactly making any friends here.”

 

But! But! How does that even result in him turning into a stag!?

 

“The forest animals did it to him! To punish him for his crimes and to protect Snow White.” Kickaha explained. “All in all, I don’t think he’ll mind much. He did feel pretty guilty about what he was doing, and this gives him an excuse to get away from the castle and start a much simpler life.” The stag in question looked around the scene in confusion. He slowly backed out of the forest and began to walk off as in a daze, his last remnants of clothing and his hat slipping off his body.

 

What forest animals even did this to him though? How does that even make sense?

 

“Look it’s a forest in a fairy tale. It’s gonna have magic.” Kickaha climbed down from the tree. “They always do.”

 

Well yes, but that’s not how this story is supposed to go… And there aren’t any animals here-

 

“I’m here! I’m a forest animal!” Kickaha smiled. “So I guess that means I turned him into a stag.”

 

“You… Did that to him?” Snow White asked.

 

“It was a kindness really.” Kickaha beamed up at the princess. “And I don’t mean that in an ominous way. He’s been freed from the queen’s thrall and can now get his thoughts sorted out while he tries to start his new life as one of the forest animals he once hunted. It’ll take a lot of time to earn the trust of the other critters after his actions, but it just might be possible. And by forging new friends among his animal brethren he might just find some redemption for himself! Sounds like an interesting story right?”

 

“I guess?” Snow White couldn’t shake the feeling the foxyote was talking to someone else.

 

Is that what you’re after? We’re not changing main characters! This is Snow White’s story! We can’t just shift it to be about the Huntsman!

 

“Why not?” Kickaha asked. “He might have an even better emotional journey than the queen if we let him! Driven to commit evil acts out of love! He nearly commits an unspeakable crime! But only after being stripped of his humanity might he learn to overcome his own inhumanity.”

 

“You’re… Very dramatic…” Snow White muttered.

 

We’re not doing that.

 

“No one here knows how to have fun.” Kickaha crossed his arms then looked up at Snow White. “Also, right. Time for the mysterious talking forest animal to offer foreboding but helpful suggestions to the protagonist. Namely, you might want to get out of here. The queen is trying to kill you. Because she’s terrible, and wants to be boring and predictable.”

 

“Why would my own stepmother want my life?” Snow White covered her mouth with her hands.

 

“Because apparently that’s just how the story goes.” Kickaha shrugs. “But things will probably blow over… You should just lay low outside the castle for a bit.”

 

“I don’t know what mockery of justice you or my stepmother have planned…” Snow White tried to stand up straight. “But if she intends me harm, then I will vanish into the forest and never return home again!”

 

Well somehow… That all worked out.

 

“And it didn’t even have to follow the normal script!” Kickaha added as he slowly began to pick up the Huntsman’s fallen belongings including his knife and hat.

 

What are you doing?

 

“Oh well I had an idea. I was planning to take these to the queen and-” Kickaha explained.

 

There’s no time for that! Snow White will be coming across the dwarf’s cottage any second! Once she falls asleep in there you need to be there to wake her!

 

“If she takes a nap first I think I have plenty of time.” Kickaha insisted.

 

It’s going to be a very short nap.

 

“Okay, okay, I’m going…” Kickaha began walking in the direction Snow White had vanished. “But only because I’m worried about your blood pressure. You’re so tense all the time. It can’t be good for you.”

 

Snow White ran through the woods for hours trying to get as far away from the cottage as possible. By the time she made it out of the woods night had already fallen. The pale moon did little to provide light for her to travel by and it was obvious she would need to rest for the night.

 

Luckily, she came across a small cottage. Snow White knocked upon the door, hoping to enlist the aid of whoever lived there. When no one answered she pushed on the door lightly, finding it unlocked.

 

“Hello?” Snow White slowly stepped into the small house. “Is anybody home? I don’t mean to intrude… But I’ve been running all day, and just need a place to stay the night. I would be happy to help out with chores to pay for my stay.”

 

There was no answer. No one was home. But it was an odd little house! A kitchen with seven chairs, a bedroom with seven beds and a living room with seven rocking chairs. But all the furniture was tiny, as if it was sized for a child. As Snow White looked around hoping to find the home’s occupant she slowly realized she was alone as she sat down on one of the beds. She had intended to go back outside and wait for the owners… But was so tired so drifted off to sleep falling backwards onto the far too small bed.

 

It would be quite a surprise when the owners returned and woke her from her sleep.

 

“Is this my part?” Kickaha asked.

 

Yes. Go ahead.

 

“Okay! Okay! I think I know what to do… But… Hear me out on this I have an idea.” Kickaha rubbed his paws.

 

Oh please no.

 

“Come on it’s not that bad just hear me out!” Kickaha pleaded. “These retellings of old fairy tales… They always like to put in show stopping musical numbers in right? So I was just thinking… What if I had a musical number?”

 

You want to sing?

 

“Why not?” Kickaha swished his tail. “It fits with the tone! And all kinds of fairy tales do it these days! A lot of them get awards for it! It’s an easy way for me to introduce myself, get through a ton of exposition, and entertain all the kids listening.”

 

I suppose there’s no harm in it… It might even be fun. Perhaps not all of your ideas are terrible.

 

“See! Going off script a bit can be fun!” Kickaha puffed out his chest. “No one is going to remember the retelling that does everything by the book! Now then… I’ve been writing this song in my head since I got here. Haven’t actually said any of it out loud yet… But I’m sure I can make this work! The improvised musical numbers always seem to work in those other stories.”

 

It would turn out he could not in fact make this work. Whatever the foxyote’s talents… Singing in tune is not among them. And it turns out one should really say the vocals to the song out loud at least once before performing them. This was very awkward for all parties involved. Those of you reading this now should be very grateful that this is only a written performance. You have been spared.

 

“So…” Snow White was now standing over one of the beds. Kickaha sat on the bed with his legs crossed avoiding eye contact. “Want to talk about what just happened?”

 

“If it’s all the same to you I’d really rather not.” Kickaha’s ears were folded back. “In fact, let’s just pretend that never happened again and we’re just now meeting for the first time.”

 

“I…” Snow White hesitated. “I think that’s for the best.” Then she paused and gave the foxyote a quizzical look. “But wait we’ve met before! You were the animal in the forest that saved me from the Huntsman! You turned him into a stag. What are you doing here?”

 

“Oh. Well, apparently I’m a dwarf now.” Kickaha explained.

 

“I thought you were an animal in the forest.”

 

“I wear many hats.” The foxyote shrugged.

 

You wear one hat! One! A dwarf! That’s all you’re supposed to do in the story!

 

“I see…” Snow White replied looking down. “Well… I beg your pardon for entering your home while you were out. I was just ever so tired. I needed a place to stay, and I’d be more than happy to help out with any chores that need doing to pay my way.”

 

“Well…” Kickaha stood up from the bed and looked her up and down. “You did illegally break into my home and then go through my stuff. So I’m sure I can trust you.”

 

And so Snow White came to live with the dwarfs… Erm dwarf. And she would spend the next few days cleaning his house, cooking his meals and tending to his needs.

 

“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on!” Kickaha shook his head. “Nuh uh! She said she’d help out to pay her way! But I’m not shoving all of my chores onto her. That’s just kind of rude.”

 

But that’s how it goes in the story.

 

“But it would be out of character for me to treat her as a live-in servant! And you wouldn’t want me acting out of character now would you?” Kickaha held his hands behind his back and blinked rapidly.

 

Okay… Snow White did an acceptable level of housework to cover the cost of her stay. But the dwarf Kickaha would have to get his own dinners.

 

“For the best really. These noble types are never any good at catching live mice.”

 

And so peaceful days came to pass. And for a time Snow White enjoyed her modest life. But the queen would soon know Snow White was still alive and seek her out. After all, the Huntsman never returned with the heart. And so one day when Kickaha had gone off to work in the mines-

 

“Wait what?” Kickaha looked at his comfortable looking rocking chair, and then out the window off in the direction of the mountains. “Why would I work in the mines.”

 

It’s what dwarves do. They mine for gemstones and such.

 

“Why?”

 

I guess that’s how they make a living.

 

“I’m sorry, but that makes zero sense.” Kickaha figuratively and literally put his foot down.

 

How do you mean?

 

“Look it’s pretty basic if you think about it. Look at this place!” Kickaha gestured at the house. “It’s out in the middle of the woods! Snow White is surprised to see a dwarf, and nobody else acts as if they exist. It’s pretty obvious we’re cut off from society out here.”

 

Yes and?

 

“So who are we selling the gems to?” Kickaha demanded. “You can’t make a living as a miner if there’s no one to sell to! You can’t eat a diamond. There’s no logical reason for any dwarf to ever step foot into those mines.”

 

You’re just being difficult. Snow White lived in the castle, so she would have seen less! Maybe one of the dwarves drives in to market once a month to sell their wares! Did you ever think of that?

 

“Huh I guess you have a point.” Kickaha rubbed his chin. “Alright you win! I’ll go ahead and head into the market at castle town to sell my wares today!”

 

That’s right! You do that. Wait what? Now wait one minute!

 

But Kickaha was already out the door and on his way to town.

 

Well I guess he’s at least out of the picture. Right then… So the queen back in her castle had been waiting several days for the huntsman to return. When it had been several days she chose to consult the mirror! If Snow White was still alive the mirror wound still find her fairest. If she were dead, then the queen would have no worries.

 

“Mirror mirror on the wall,” the queen started.

 

“I’m back my queen!” A voice called. “I your loyal huntsman have returned.”

 

What. The Actual. Heck?

 

Kickaha stood in the doorway of the queen’s chambers. In addition to his green cloak he was also wearing the huntsman’s hat atop his head.

 

“You are not the Huntsman.” The queen replied.

 

“Sure I am! I have his hat!” Kickaha nodded. “And if I can sub in for a dwarf why not a hunter?”

 

What are you doing here? I thought you were at the market?

 

“Well I was, but turns out I had nothing to sell.” Kickaha shrugged. “I guess you really should have had me mine some gems or something before sending me there. So I decided to come here instead!”

 

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHH!

 

“What are you…” The queen looked at the foxyote questionably. “Are you mad?”

 

“Quite possibly, but that doesn’t matter. Because I’m here to tell you that your Snow White problem is well, no longer a problem.” Kickaha puffed out his chest.

 

“So the girl is dead?” The queen smiled.

 

“Well no…” Kickaha sighed. “But you see if you just listen for a brief moment I have a number of ideas that I think can work out a lot more interestingly and in your favor if you just-”

 

But the queen would not listen. No sooner than she had learned Snow White was alive had she stormed out of her bedroom. If the Huntsman was incapable of doing his job she’d handle it herself! She brewed a powerful potion to disguise herself as an old lady before creating a powerful poison. She coated a shiny apple in the poison before setting out on her way to confront Snow White.

 

“Well I guess I should probably go back and warn Snow White…” Kickaha rubbed the back of his head.

 

Sorry, you can’t. The queen arrives before you.

 

“What how!?” Kickaha demanded. “She had to go brew a potion to transform herself and poison an apple! I can head straight back right now! I’ll clearly get their first! Besides she doesn’t even know where the house is.”

 

The magic mirror told her.

 

“The magic mirror that I’m standing right in front of?” Kickaha demanded. “I’m pretty sure I would have noticed if she used it.”

 

Oh well, if you’re standing guard at the mirror, I guess you didn’t have that head start. She had plenty of time to get to the cottage before you.

 

“Me and my mouth…” Kickaha muttered before taking off running out of the castle hoping to make it home in time to save Snow White.

 

Snow White was keeping herself busy by… Or actually I guess she was just relaxing reading a book when the disguised queen arrived at the house. Snow White never suspected a thing when a kindly old woman knocked on the door. The woman claimed to be lost and in need of directions towards the castle. After Snow White provided them the woman insisted on offering the princess an apple as a means of saying thank you.

 

If only Snow White had known it was the evil queen. Then she might never have bitten into that apple and ingested the poison.

 

“I suppose it won’t hurt anything…” Snow White muttered as she looked at the apple. “And I am hungry.” She took one bite of the apple and immediately felt a strange sensation run through her entire body. “What… what is this?” Snow White asked as she fell over… And then landed on all fours! Suddenly she shrunk into her clothes and disappeared! A few seconds later a very confused looking squirrel with ebony black fur climbed out of the pile of clothes.

 

WHAT!?

 

“A squirrel!?” The queen stared in disbelief. “She’s supposed to be dead!”

 

“Well… You see!” Kickaha came running into view. However he had to stop to catch his breath before he could explain. “Sorry, had to run all the way from the castle! Short legs. “Anyway… After everything else somehow followed the script even after I changed things… I figured it would come down to the poison apple.”

 

“Script, what are you talking about?” Snow White asked then paused. “Oh hey, I can still talk like this.”

 

“Look I figured no matter what I said to the queen she’d still poison an apple and come after you!” Kickaha flailed his arms as he explained. “So I decided to stop by her secret lab first and swap out her poison for a more fun and harmless one of my own making.”

 

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?

 

“How did you find my secret lab?” The queen demanded.

 

“I asked the castle guards for directions.” Kickaha explained. “Were quite helpful. And the fact you go there all the time means quite a few knew about it! And get this… Turns out being an evil petty jerk makes your minions not that fond of you. So they had no reason to stop me.”

 

“Okay enough of this!” The evil queen snatched Snow White up off the ground and began to squeeze the squirrel in her hand. “I’ll just end Snow White’s life with my own hand right now!”

 

“But there’s not even a reason to do that now!” Kickaha pleaded. “Look! She’s not even human anymore! So doesn’t that mean you don’t have to worry about her being fairest in the land!”

 

“You’re… Right.” The queen paused and relaxed her grip.

 

“I mean everything is subjective really…” Kickaha muttered. “I for one actually think she looks much more lovely with a tail and fur.”

 

“… So it’s entirely possible she might even as an animal be more beautiful than me?” The queen’s voice tensed.

 

“Well I  mean beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so I guess yes to some people.” Kickaha replied.

 

KICKAHA  NO!

 

“Then there is no reason to risk letting her live.” The queen began to squeeze down on the squirrel again.

 

Do something!

 

“I’m trying to think of something!” Kickaha hissed.

 

Look this is a story for children! We can’t just have the princess get crushed to death! Do you know how terrifying that would be!? This is why we stick to the script! Fix this! Fix it now!

 

“Wait!” Kickaha pleaded. “Look, I didn’t want to have to do this… But I can give you something, something worse letting her go.” Kickaha produced a vial of pink liquid

 

“What is that?” The queen demanded.

 

“It’s another potion of my own making. But this one won’t turn you into a squirrel.” The foxyote explained and slowly walked towards the queen. “If you drink this potion, you really will be the fairest in all the land. And you will be forever. Because after drinking this… You will never age another day.”

 

“What kind of sorcerer are you that could create something so powerful?” The queen demanded.

 

“It’s actually not that hard.” The foxyote grinned. “Where I come from just about everyone has access to stuff like this. So… I’ll trade you the potion for the squirrel. All you have to do is let her go, and you win.”

 

“But if I kill her I also win!” The queen replied. “So it’s not like I need your potion.”

 

“You win… For today.” Kickaha replied. “But everyday more people are born. And every day you’re going to get older. Maybe you can stay on top, but it won’t be long before you look in the mirror and the list of fairer beauties is a mile long. It doesn’t matter how many girls you kill. Your enemy is time. And that is something you can’t poison, you can’t trick, and you can’t hurt. But… With this potion in my hand you can stop it.”

 

“I have no reason to trust a word out of your mouth.” The queen spat. “For all I know that’s just poison that will kill me.”

 

“It could be.” Kickaha conceded. “You can always test it on Snow White… But… There’s only enough for one person. If you test it on her, she’ll not only be the fairest of them all now, but for all time. You’ll never be able to catch up.”

 

This… Could actually work. I mean… The queen didn’t trust the dwarf… But at the same time she couldn’t deny the truth of his words. Today’s victory would be hollow knowing that her looks would soon fade anyway. Her vanity and her greed slowly began to override her judgement. She knew that it was foolish to take the dwarf at his word… But she could not pass up this chance.

 

“Give me that!” The queen dropped Snow White to the ground and snatched the potion from Kickaha’s hand. She pulled out the cork and drank it all in one gulp “Know that if this is kills me, with my final breath I will crush the girl.” She hovered her foot above Snow White’s head.

 

But the queen had no idea just how fast the poison she had just drunk would act! She would never move again once it took hold and-

 

“It’s really not poison.” Kickaha replied. “It does exactly what I promised.”

 

Wait you actually helped her!?

 

“I feel… Stronger.” The queen looked down at her skin. The wrinkles from her own spell were fading as her skin changed back to its pale and youthful appearance. “And more energetic! The potion! It’s working!” The queen took a few steps back marveling at her body. It only took a few moments for her to change back from a crone to being in her prime! But then the changes continued. Wrinkles she had worked to hide vanished completely. Blemishes faded. Soon she looked to be a healthy woman in her 20’s.

 

I can’t believe you just gave that to her!

 

“Wait for it…” Kickaha held up a hand.

 

“Aha ha haaaaaaaaaa!” The queen rubbed her hands through her hair. “This is amazing! I haven’t felt this good in years! Ohhhh, to think you would really just hand over something so valuable. You are a fool. I’ll keep you in my dungeon for the rest of your life to produce more and more! From this point forward my looks will never fade.”

 

“Didn’t you listen?” Kickaha asked. “You won’t need another dosage. You won’t age a single day ever again. Which is unfortunate… Because in a minute you might wish you would.”

 

“What do you mean!?” The queen demanded and then looked down at her figure. It was becoming softer. She was getting shorter! The potion was still making her younger! She was now regressing out of her prime and into her teens. “No! This is too young! Stop it!” She tried to move forward hoping to crush Snow White, but tripped over her own robe falling onto her face. Her body continued to youthen as she shrunk backwards through her preteens and into childhood. And then…

 

SPROING!

 

“What?” The queen asked as she reached her hands up to her ears where the noise had just come from. Her ears were now long, stretching out at the top of her head.

 

“She looks like a bunny.” Snow White observed.

 

“Quite.” Kickaha nodded. “After all, she wants to be fairest of them all! And once you include other species outside humans the competition gets quite fierce. But you’ll win!”

 

“How… How could you do this to me!?” The queen tried to stand up, her robe falling off of her small body. Silver and white fur now covered her entirely, her feet stretched out into huge hind legs. She tried to walk forward but only managed to fall flat on her face. “You! You treacherous rat!” In age she was a mere toddler. Her body now looked more animal than human.

 

“That’s foxyote.” Kickaha bent down and picked up the queen.

 

“Squeeeak!” The queen objected, but no more words came out. Struggle as she might, she couldn’t move or do anything in the foxyote’s grasp. She was just a small helpless bunny.

 

“In terms of pure looks, you’re not going to find too many things that can beat out a baby bunny.” Kickaha nodded as he clutched the transformed queen to his chest and began to pet her. “It doesn’t matter who they compare you too… Everyone is always going to vote the bunny as the cutest.”

 

“You… You really turned her into that?” Snow White’s eyes were wide.

 

“I gave her what she wanted most. Eternal looks.” Kickaha slowly sat the bunny down on the ground. It just glared up at him angrily. “And as promised, she won’t ever age a day. She’ll look like that forever.”

 

“What… About me?” Snow White asked.

 

“Oh that’s easy to reverse if you don’t like it!” Kickaha smiled. “I could brew an antidote! As well as a kiss from a prince will do the trick! I had to do something to tie it in to the original story.”

 

“You say the oddest things…” Snow White observed the foxyote. “What do you mean original story?”

 

“Well how to explain…” Kickaha thought for a second. “Basically, the queen would have poisoned you, and you would have died. But then a prince finds you kisses you, and that lifts the curse of the magic poison and brings you back to life. Then the two of you marry and live happily ever after.”

 

“Marry?” Snow White looked appalled. “I’m only fourteen! And why would a prince kiss me if he thought I was dead.”

 

“You know I never really thought of it…” Kickaha muttered.

 

“So that’s what’s supposed to happen…” Snow White thought for a moment. “You know what, this is fine! Don’t bother with an antidote I’ll stay a squirrel.”

 

WAIT REALLY!?

 

“Wait really?” Even Kickaha was caught off guard.

 

“Why not?” Snow White asked. “I’ve had a nicer time out here among the animals than back in the castle. And… Even if the Huntsman got cold feet, he still tried to kill me, and no one else in the castle did anything to stand up to the queen, after after I disappeared. And now what? I’m supposed to kiss some guy I never met and go back to them all and smile? No thank you. I’ll try my luck out here with the other animals.”

 

This is most unacceptable! This isn’t how the story ends! This is all wrong!

 

“Sorry, but she made up her mind!” Kickaha replied. “And she seems to have a pretty good head on her shoulders. I think this will end fine.”

 

But… But she’s supposed to marry a prince! Everything is a mess now! Can we really just end the story like this?

 

“You know…” Snow White quickly ran to a tree and then straight up it. “I could really get used to being able to move around like this.”

 

“She looks pretty happy to me with this ending!” Kickaha wagged his tail. “So come on! Go ahead and say the words!”

 

I refuse!

 

“Look, the story won’t end until someone says them!”

 

You can’t make me!

 

“Come on? Do I have to do it?”

 

Do what you want, I refuse to participate a moment longer.

 

“Fine! Fine! Have it your way. And so… They all lived happily ever after! The end!”