Age Regression April Shenanigans
“Come on! Come on! Come on!” Calex bounded into the living room before pouncing up onto the couch. The six-and-a-half-year-old orange kitten sat their, bare of any form of clothing his legs dangling off the couch as his bright yellow and green eyes looked across the room at his friend.
“I’m coming.” Odin chuckled as he followed Calex slowly. The adult wolf was dressed in his usual detective attire, though he knew that with what was afoot that wasn’t going to last for very long. In one hand he held a small remote with a knob. It had taken a lot of testing, but he finally had it working. “So you first.” Odin pointed the remote at Calex, turned the knob and a blast of blue energy erupted from it striking the kitten.
The kitten shrunk in size and age as soon as he was hit. His tail grew shorter and his ears smaller. After a few moments, he was a toddler just two years of age.
“The show is starting soon! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!” Calex hadn’t even reacted to being reduced to a toddler. He was in way too much of a hurry for what was coming.
“I’m on it! I’m on it!” Odin pointed the device at himself, clicked it and he was struck by the same blue energy. The wolf disappeared as he shrunk into his clothes, until there was just a lump standing underneath the coat and shirt. Odin dug his way out from his own clothing, before tossing them aside where they landed on the side of the couch. He tossed the remote aside as well and climbed up to sit on the couch next to Calex.
“You barely made it!” Calex leaned against the two year old wolf. “Saturday morning cartoons are starting any second.”
“You know considering we stream them now, we can’t exactly be late.” Odin laughed. But as he looked around them, seeing the assortment of cereals, junk foods and sodas laying around for them to get into; he could not deny this was a pretty good idea. He wouldn’t mind making this into a weekly tradition, turning himself and the kitten into toddlers to enjoy a few shows before they go back to their normal lives and ages.
“Regardless of streaming, if we’re doing this we’re doing it right! Meaning we start on time!” Calex spoke with a sense of reverence as he picked up the remote and turned the cartoons on.
“Hey we’re doing everything right.” Odin chuckled and leaned back against the kitten. “Except wearing proper clothes.”
“No clothes is proper clothes.” Calex replied smugly.
“Maybe for you but I grew up being dressed.” Odin rolled his eyes. But, after years of misadventures with the kitten, even if it wasn’t his preferred state he had gotten used to being naked. And if the two were just going to be watching cartoons for a couple hours there was no reason to bother with trying to buy some kid sized clothes. Especially since no doubt they’d wind up lost or destroyed in another adventure.
“I’m sorry your childhood was so hard.” Calex seemed to mean it. While the kitten had seemed to finally grasp the idea that some people liked wearing clothes, he still was incapable of understanding why they would want to. Except perhaps around the winter months where he usually hid inside Odin’s coat.
But none of that mattered right now because it was time for snacks and cartoons.
A few hours later, the two had finally had enough. Empty bowls and discarded wrappers lay all around them on the couch and floor. Odin shut the TV off as he gave the kitten a quick hug.
“You know, I think I needed that. Feeling much more relaxed after the week I’ve had.” He got down from the couch and fetched the remote intending to change himself back to his normal age.
“Wellllllllll.” Calex was grinning as he stood up on the couch. “It’s funny you say that, cause maybe it is time for a vacation… And I can’t help but notice it’s finally April.”
“Oh is it now?” The wolf made a show of dialing the device back to the adult setting but did not actually fire it. He knew where this was going.
“Yeah you know Age Regression April!” Calex threw his paws up. “It’s a yearly tradition! Everyone does it!”
“I’m pretty sure only you, and people you directly interact with celebrate it or even know it exists.” Odin laughed. “I was wondering when you were going to bring that up. Buuuuuut, we have a lot of chores to do to clean all this up.” He pointed at the mess. “And if we get even younger it’s going to be hard to-“
The kitten leaped from the couch in a blur. Running on all fours he could move without tripping despite his young age. He zoomed into the kitchen, then zoomed back with a broom now tied to his short tail. He ran around the room sweeping everything up and sweeping it all back into the kitchen. Then there was the sound of water running, followed by clanging noises, and then a loud thud. The kitten ran back into the living room stood up on two legs and saluted.
“The mess is cleaned up! Dishes are washed, and trash has been taken out!” Calex dropped the salute. “Also it is really hard for me to reach the top of the trash bin even at my normal age, so I hope you appreciate the effort that took.” The kitten looked quite smug.
“Did you wash your paws after?” Odin asked.
“Of course!” Cleanliness was something the kitten never had a problem with. Sure, he fought when it came to bath times since he didn’t always like getting wet, but he also had an obsessive need to keep himself cleaned and well groomed.
“Hmmmmm.” Odin tilted his head back and forth. “A whole month is a lot of time, and things are going to be really hard like that.”
“Come onnnnnnn!” Calex pleaded. “We’ve done it before! It wasn’t so bad!”
“I dunno…” Odin was dragging it out on purpose. “It’s really hard to work cases when I can’t talk to the client… How about a compromise, and we just stay toddlers? Still able to walk and talk.”
“That…” Calex thought about it for a moment. “That could still be fun… We’re still regressed, so it counts… And hmmmm. Alright, toddlers will work!” The kitten beamed.
“Huh wait really?” Odin seemed surprised. “I had assumed you’d push to go all the way back to newborns for the month, and I’d have to argue you up to six months. This was not what I expected.”
“Hey! We’re regressed! And we’re spending the month this way! I’m happy!” Calex purred.
“Well…” Odin looked at the device in his hand. “Now I regret already setting the timer on this. “Turns out I could have had it easy this yea.”
“Wait timer?” Calex managed to ask before the device released a burst of blue energy again. Both kitten and wolf were struck, both shrinking down until they were mere six month old infants. As Odin fell down onto all fours he dropped the remote, and managed a sheepish grin.
“Mew?” Calex was surprised to say the least. He looked at the device. There was a new timer display on it marked to restore them to their proper ages in thirty days, and it looked like another time had been set and gone off just seconds ago right when they regressed. Odin must have planned this all out in advanced, even before they started the cartoons. That meant…
Odin had intentionally set everything up for Age Regression April on his own! With no prodding, suggesting or hinting from the kitten at all! And if he had done that… There would be only one reason.
“Meoooow!” Calex was too young to talk and express his affection in words. However, the loud purrs emitting from him, and the warm nuzzles he gave the wolf got the point across.
“Woof.” The wolf leaned into the nuzzles. He was always happy to see the kitten happy. Still, to think he could have gotten away this year with an extra year and a half. Oh well, by this point he was far more adept at getting around as an infant than anyone would possibly expect. Between his own inventions, both malfunctions and intentional uses, supervillains with their own technology and magic, ancient artifacts, alternate transformative universes and of course most of all… The Calex Factor, Odin had been every age between his actual and 0, as well as an egg a few times. Sometimes they managed to get back to normal. Sometimes, usually when alternate timelines and worlds were in play they took the long way backc. While Odin was in his 30s naturally in this world, if he accounted for all the times he had regressed and grown back up before returning to his original time and world he was likely actually somewhere around a three hundred years old. But, too many regressions and ventures into other universes made it difficult to properly remember every time growing up, so who knew for sure.
But all of this was to say, Odin had been an infant many many times in his life and was used to it.
And this year having made plans, things were going to be easy. He had arranged for groceries to be delivered, all bills were on autopay, and Odin surprisingly had enough funds to cover it for the entire month. March had been a pretty good month case wise. That meant, he could just use this month for what Calex intended it to be used for.
To just relax and enjoy himself.
“Arooooo.” Odin leaned against the kitten as he thought about what to do. Obviously, nothing that required vocal communication, but still plenty of board games, play pretend, video games, more cartoons, building a fort in the living room. There were options.
“Meoooow!” The kitten seemed to already have one. He had crawled to the bedroom and was coming back dragging the bed sheets and some stuffed animals, including a stuffed raptor Odin had bought the kitten after a previous incident where he had also been regressedto an infant. It looked like it was a combination of play pretend and building a fort.
“Awoooo!” Odin grabbed one end of the bedsheet and helped drag it behind the couch. He couldn’t reach very high, so did his bests to tie it to a nearby lamp. It meant there wasn’t a ton of room underneath the sheet, but with them crawling around on all fours they didn’t need a lot. Especially when one considered how small Calex was naturally, and the fact that as a pup Odin was definitely the runt of his litter.
Calex was setting up stuffed animals inside the fort, as well as some toy weapon for them to use. He had an adventure planned, and Odin would admit they were usually pretty fun. Heck, at this point he wasn’t even reluctant to admit it. He enjoyed playing with his little buddy. Well… Almost equally sized buddy right now. The first few times had caught him by surprise. One does not expect to be dropped into a cardboard fox, made a baby and forced to fight a rubber ducky dinosaur. But now he had experience. And sometimes… Especially after a really rough day, a surprise escapist adventure into childhood was the perfect escape.
The two were almost done setting up their game, everything was in place… When suddenly, the doorbell rang.
“Awooo?” Odin hadn’t been expecting visitors. Was it a possible case? If so taking it might be difficult, but not impossible. Odin crawled to the front door followed by Calex. Near the door was a grabby claw toy he had prepped in advance. Sitting back he grabbed the claw and used it to reach the door handle. He opened the door and-
“AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!” On the other end of the door was a panda dressed in a white and black suit. He was currently standing atop an enormous cannon that looked like it belonged in a sci-fi cartoon. It was currently pointing at the open doorway where Odin and Calex were. “I bet you thought you saw the last of me… Dr. Pandamonium!”
“Wooooof.” Odin groaned. They never saw the last of this guy. Considering how many times they had taken him out, Odin was surprised the guy hadn’t decided to go for a career change. With so many failed evil schemes he had to be running out of money. He must have been a trust fund baby or something.
“Mew?” Calex crawled next to Odin and saw who was there, as well as the giant cannon. He immediately fell into a fit of laughter upon seeing the panda.
“I thought… Since you always foil my scheme… Rather than start with my plan, prepare to take over the world, and then you bust in to stop me… I’d come straight to your place AND DESTROY YOU FIRST! And then nothing can stop my… My…” Dr. Pandamonium paused as he stared down at the two. “Um… Why are you babies?”
“Awoo.” Odin replied.
“Lost a fight with another villain or something?” Dr. Pandamonium grinned. “Well um… Huh… I had prepared this cannon that could rewrite someone’s personal space time and… Well I had it all set to reduce you two to helpless babes! And you’re already like this! Do you have any respect for villain protocol?”
“Mrow.” Calex stuck his tongue out.
“You know what, it’s fine.” Dr. Pandamonium opened a panel on the cannon and began to work through various wires. “I’m not going to come out here and just leave because you’re already taken care of. I came all this way. Will just rewire to focus more on space and shrink you two to the size of fleas! AHHHHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA! Just give me five minutes.” He began to work on the machine.
“Meow?” Calex looked to Odin.
“Woof.” Odin nodded. Odin crawled back away from the door while Calex crawled up to the cannon. He was an infant, but still a kitten, and assuming his feral form, he could slowly start to climb up the cannon sneaking up behind the panda.
“Almost done! Any second now I’ll have my vengeance!” Dr. Pandamonium shouted, completely unaware both Calex and Odin had left their positions. However, it wasn’t long before Odin was back in the doorway, holding the regression device he had built himself.
Meanwhile, Calex was now perched directly behind Dr. Pandamonium, completely silent, in the way that only a cat could manage.
“DONE!” Dr. Pandamonium looked back to the door. “Alright! Get ready to be made so helpless you’ll never foil one of my plans ag-“ He paused. “Where’s the orange one.” There was a hint of fear in his voice. Dr. Pandamonium had received more than one beatdown from Calex in the past, and it was enough to put instill a very specific phobia into him. It was why he refused to come anywhere close to the duo without some way to make them a lesser threat. And yet somehow they kept causing problems! He remembered a previous time he had turned them into infants and trapped them in a cardboard box. Somehow, they had destroyed his entire lab. That’s part of why he was here. Let them destroy their own place for once. “Seriously where is he?”
“Mew.” Calex let out a playful squeak.
“WHA-!?” Dr. Pandamonium let out an undignified shriek as he turned around to see the baby kitten perched directly behind him. The small thing was barely bigger than his hand. But it was so close. “D-d-don’t make a move! One button press is all it takes and I’ll shrink your friend and!”
“Awoo.” Odin clicked the button on his own regression device. It was still set for 6 months old, and still set for 30 days. The blue lightning leaped out from the remote, striking both Dr. Pandamonium and Calex. Calex, already being a six month old was unaffected, other than the fact that now he was going to change back to normal a few minutes after Odin. The panda on the other hand.
“What? No! GAHHHHHHHHHHH!” He shrunk into his own suit as he went backwards through time. As Odin watched, he smiled smugly, being satisfied that he got to pull this trick on a villain for once. After a few seconds, a now baby panda crawled from beneath the now discarded suit… And found the kitten much closer in size than him. True, he was still twice the kitten’s size… But he had been four times the kitten sized when he got those beatings.
“Meow!” There was a predatory note to Calex’s squeak as he wiggled his back legs getting read to pounce. Dr. Pandamonium yelped and cowered into a ball… Only for Calex to pounce right over him and into the open panel where the panda had been rewiring the machine. There was the sound of someone chewing on something, then breaking noises, and then suddenly the entire cannon started to smoke.
“Abruuuh!?” Dr. Pandamonium looked up, realizing that his machine was somehow being destroyed. How was that possible. Then he saw the orange kitten crawl out of the access panel. He really needed to start making those too small for kittens to fit into. Of course if he did, he wouldn’t be able to access them himself. He nearly went into a fit of rage, but then saw the glint in the kitten’s eyes as it prepared to pounce, this time he realized Calex was coming right for him. He tried to crawl away, but it was no good. Being able to become a feral animal had a lot of advantages when it came to movement at a young age, and Calex pounced down, and bit down on the back off the panda’s neck, grabbing him by the scruff and tackling him down off the cannon and to the ground.
The kitten dragged the panda who was kicking and screaming at this point through the grass. But no matter what he did he couldn’t match the werekitten’s supernatural strength. Perhaps if he had still been an adult, but it was a baby vs a super baby right now, not really a match. Eventually he gave up and just crossed his arms as he was dragged. It was about this point the cannon exploded, sending debris everywhere. The panda’s ears flattened as he realized the kitten had just saved his life by getting him away from the explosion.
Seeming unconcerned with the panda as a threat in his current state, the kitten released him and trotted back to Odin. The kitten tilted his head towards all the debris in the yard and then to the house. Odin nodded, and the kitten began to drag giant chunks of machinery into the house and down to Odin’s lab. Those would be useful for future inventions. Odin helped too with smaller pieces, and soon the two had the yard cleaned up.
With the problem addressed, they could get back to their game.
“Abwwwwwwwwwwwwuh!” Dr. Pandamonium let out a cry. Had they forgotten he was still here! Sure, his weapon was destroyed! He was outnumbered two versus one! Had no resources! And one of the other two was literally capable of tossing him into the horizon, but he wasn’t defeated yet!
And he also had nothing else to do today.
“Meoooow.” Calex sighed and looked to Odin.
“Woof.” Odin sat down and considered for a few moments. Finally he nodded, agreeing that something the two had communicated was the right thing to do.
“Mew!” Calex bounded across the yard and grabbed the panda by his scruff again.
“Abuw bwuuuh!” Dr. Pandamonium again tried to pointlessly resist. This time he was dragged inside of the duo’s house and Calex deposited him directly in front of the couch fort where all the plush toys were set up. After dropping him, Calex shifted back to his anthro form, leaving him on all fours, but more awkward on hands and knees.
“Mew!” Calex pointed at the toy weapons and then at the stuffed animal.
“Woof?” Odin looked at the panda questionably.
“Bwuuuh.” Dr. Pandamonium looked thoughtful for a moment. He could try to destroy them… But that was not off to a great start today… And he himself had no idea about the timer so had no idea if he would change back or if he’d have to age back the normal way.
He considered his options… And finally made a decision. Evil can take a vacation too.
“Bwuh!” Dr. Pandamonium crawled forward into the fort and grabbed one of the toy swords. He was followed by a giggling Calex and Odin who picked up toy weapons as well as they entered the lair of the Velocity Raptors. For the next month, both heroes and villains were on break.
Because right now, they all deserved a break. Even Dr. Pandamonim.